Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
