my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
