What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This is the high leading the old right now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
