Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
