They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
