True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
