I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
