i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
