As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
