Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
