I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
