i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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