I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
