so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
