do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
