Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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