she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
