i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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