He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
