How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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