Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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