there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
