Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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