so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
