We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize