Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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