so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
