i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just high enough for therapy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
