i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
