yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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