she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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