I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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