Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
