at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
