This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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