Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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