I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
