i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize