Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
