I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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