So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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