can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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