I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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