Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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