Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
