I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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