ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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