i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
