you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
