I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
