Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
