We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
