Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the liver wants what the liver wants
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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