why didn't you poke me back
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
