Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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