the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can you bring me the toilet please
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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