And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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