i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize