It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
