sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
