Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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