It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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