Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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