You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
