I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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