I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
