You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
